Parents and Family
Notes from a Graduate
How can I ensure my son or daughter's success? This is the first time any of us have gone through the higher education process—what role do I play now?
For parents of students heading off to college, these questions must come to mind at one point or another. I can only imagine the stress of being a parent whose child is about to embark on a college life journey, and the worry that accompanies that journey. I spoke with and met most you at the Summer Advising Days. As I spoke, I tried to place myself back into those shoes of four years ago, and give some advice from where I am now. I would like to tell you a little more about myself and my journey, in the hope that it will help you and your son or daughter.
I am a first generation college student. No one in my immediate or extended family has gone to college. I am also the daughter of a single mother. My four years of College were an extremely exciting adventure full of first time experiences. I learned more than I ever thought possible and grew more than I wanted to at times. Since no one before me had gone through the college application, acceptance, choice and arrival processes, it was daunting to think about how I would get it all done. But the important thing is that I did. I will be attending University of Baltimore Law School in the fall, and am proud of my four years as a Washington College student.
In the hope that I can help the parents reading this article, here's some advice that helped me through my years at Washington College. First, maintain a place in your child's life, perhaps not as the director of the show, but as a reviewer, and a commentator. Let your child experience college, let them find classes, clubs and organizations that fit them. Let them decide if they are going to wake up for class or remember their homework and paper assignments. This is their time to grow as individuals and take responsibility for themselves. Most importantly, allow them to make mistakes. Learning how to deal with their mistakes will only make them stronger, more level-headed young adults.
My mother called and asked about classes and clubs and actively discussed my current life events. Encourage your child to stay at college for the first several weekends and find out what to do in Chestertown on weekends. Encouraging them to stay and get involved will make their lives so much better. I was so homesick and lonely the first few weeks, so I went home, and this prevented me from planting and spreading roots, from making friendships, or even focusing fully on my academics. As much as you may miss them, or desire to be with them, please remember that the first months of school are a vital adjustment period, and you will see them again, at Fall Family Weekend, Thanksgiving, winter breaks, etc. There is plenty of catch up personal time, I promise; at times my Mom would say, "Don't you ever stay at school?"
In all honesty, I believe that being an active participant in your child's life will make all the difference. Whether this is the first child attending college or a fifth generation student, allow the processes to occur. This is as much a journey and life changing experience for you as parents as it is for them. I believe that teaching them time management skills, healthy eating, proper nutrition and other things that many parents assume their children know would be great steps in the process. Contrary to what students think, our parents often made our plates, or told us what to eat, and nutrition and health allow for success in the classroom. My college journey was so great because of both my academic success and co-curricular success.
I am sure that most of this seems very common knowledge, but that is the key thing to see. My mom made sure that we went over basics because with those foundations I was able to move forward on my own. You can provide these basics, the foundation for your son or daughter to bring with them to College. They will figure out the rest in time; I managed somehow, and loved every minute. Just be there for them so they can still be linked to the unchanging environment of home—that will be all they need to succeed.
Take some time to relax and enjoy their accomplishments, and know that even though they may be away from home, the basics and foundations are still there underneath it all.
— Tiffany Harrell '08